So Charlie's Angels is the latest attempt at bringing these characters to the big screen, we have gotten 2 of them before with Cameron Diaz, Drew Barrymore and Lucy Liu in the early 2000s. They were cheesy and silly but they worked for the most part, they knew they were silly, cheesy junk food entertainment. This film stars Kristen Stewart, Naomi Scott, Ella Balinska, Patrick Stewart, and has a pretty simple plot. When a young systems engineer blows the whistle on a dangerous technology, Charlie's Angels are called into action, putting their lives on the line to protect us all. That's the basic jist of the movie. This movie I wasn't planning to see but Ford v Ferrari wasn't in my area yet so I saw this instead. God fucking damn it I wish I waited because this movie.....is a fucking trainwreck. I hated this movie with a burning passion. I thought Men in Black: International was a passionless, boring piece of shit, which it still is, but this makes THAT look like a cinematic masterpiece! Oh this movie got onto my fucking nerves! This is the worst movie I have seen this year, without question. Okay, let's calm down, let's explain why this movie is beyond garbage. This movie doesn't have a personality, it is so bland, so tacked on, so lazy, it felt like the studio gave a 12 year old rights to write the screenplay, which is actually an insult to 12 year olds because a fucking 12 year old can write better material than this. What it REALLY felt like was that a studio executive had a long day planning out future projects, was falling asleep in the conference room and somebody reminded him that a new Charlie's Angels movie had to be out soon so they looked at a random person and was like, "Fuck it, hire that random guy/girl who probably never took film production or creative writing classes in his life, they're good enough I guess." There is no good humor, not once did I laugh, chuckle, or even smile. This movie wastes its cast, particularly Patrick Stewart. Seriously Patrick Stewart, what are you doing? You were in Logan, you were in Green Room. What's going on? You went from the great movies I had mentioned to The Emoji Movie, and now this? Get your shit together, pick better projects already, you are better than this, don't end up like Will Smith. The action sequences and editing are by far my biggest issues with the movie. The action sequences are atrocious. Whoever edited this movie needs to find a different job, because you can't keep cutting the action sequences and editing the camera work in weird, awful ways and expect it to look good. The fight choreography is also abysmal, there is no effort in the stunt work, the fighting itself is so obviously fake. Let's set some examples for other action movies that actually put effort in fight choreography and stunt work, movies like John Wick, The Raid, Atomic Blonde, Kill Bill, the Mission: Impossible movies, are all examples on how to do action and stunts right. Did I mention this movie was horrendously boring? If this movie is good for anything, it's definitely a good Nyquil substitute. I am going to wrap this up here. In the end, Charlie's Angels is a fucking trainwreck disaster. Everything about it sucks, the action, editing, performances, comedy, everything. This movie is not worth anyone's time, and I am glad it is failing! It made $8 million opening weekend on a $55 million budget, that's pathetic. I also find it hilarious how Elizabeth Banks (who directed this trash) thinks this is failing because "men don't like watching women in action movies". I guess Kill Bill, Wonder Woman, Alita: Battle Angel, and Underworld don't exist.
Grade: F
Run time: 119 min
MPAA rating: PG-13 (for action/violence, language and some suggestive material)
Studio: Columbia Pictures
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