Christopher Robin - Movie Review

Christopher Robin is the latest film in the Winnie the Pooh franchise, and tells the story of an adult Christopher Robin, who forgets about his childhood friends Winnie the Pooh and company, but reunites with them during a tough situation with his family, and Pooh and friends must show Christopher Robin what it is like to be a child again. So I was excited with the fact that Disney was putting out a live-action Winnie the Pooh movie, but when I saw the trailer, I wasn't that interested. Oh how did the trailer represent this movie quite well! This is a boring, SLOW movie! I had trouble staying awake through this. I hate to say that, because I wanted to love this movie, I love the Winnie the Pooh characters, the original Winnie the Pooh film Disney did in the 70's, and the 2011 Winnie the Pooh are some of the best stuff Disney has ever put out! I am baffled by how boring this movie was! Disney really needs to step up their game, because holy shit, they are not doing that great! I mean, I highly enjoyed Black Panther, Avengers: Infinity War, and Ant-Man and the Wasp, but guess what, THOSE WERE ALL MARVEL MOVIES!!!! It seems like Disney only put effort in their Marvel movies this year! This movie moved at a snails pace! This movie doesn't know what audience to aim for, it is too slow for kids, and too uninteresting for adults. Pooh and friends never go on interesting adventures like they usually do, Christopher Robin and other human characters are so fucking bland, I just did not give a shit about anything that went on during this film! Let's talk about the audience I saw this movie with! The theater was PACKED, pretty much every single seat was taken. The children in the audience were not having a good time, they were restless, constantly asking their parents how long the movie was (this movie is 2 whole hours) and running around the theater, quite a few adults fell asleep too. Walking out of the movie, a friend I was with including me and several other audience members all said "thank fuck it's over!" I can't wait for the Rotten Tomatoes score comes out tomorrow, I hope to god it is rotten. This movie isn't shot like a kids movie, it is shot like a hipster indie film. Also, this movie takes this shot directly out of Man of Steel and Gladiator, where Pooh is walking in this field, and puts out his arm and moves it across the grass there, and it looks EXACTLY the same as those other 2 movies I had mentioned. This film also had one of the dumbest moments in any film this year too. I will spoil this shit, I don't care, because none of you should waste your money on this piece of shit! There is a scene where Piglet, Eeyore, Tigger, Rabbit, Kanga and Roo don't believe that Christopher Robin really is who he says he is, and I shit you not that he fights an invisible Heffalump! Yes, that happens in this movie, and it is as stupid as it sounds! Christopher Robin is also kind of an asshole towards Pooh at one point in the movie. We all know how absent minded Pooh is, well at one point in the movie when they first reunite, Christopher Robin somehow forgot how Pooh was and acts like a total jerk towards him. It felt way out of character for Christopher Robin, adult or not. This next issue I have is not a huge issue, but it really bothered me. Pooh, Piglet, Tigger and Eeyore look like live-action versions of their animated Disney selves, but Rabbit and Owl, for some reason, look like an actual rabbit and an actual owl. I don't know, that was very distracting to me. I do have a couple of positives though, in terms of characters, Pooh and friends I have no issue with, they were perfectly fine, Eeyore was surprisingly the standout of them all. I was expecting Tigger to be because he is my favorite character in the franchise. Also, I like some of the sarcasm that comes from Pooh in this movie at some points in the film, I was shocked by how sarcastic Pooh got sometimes in this movie. I am going to end it here, because I have nothing else to say. Christopher Robin is an unbelievable disappointment. I will admit it isn't as bad as movies like A Wrinkle in Time, Solo and Super Troopers 2, but oh my god this was still pretty awful. It is a total snoozefest, kids didn't like it, adults didn't like it, this is one movie that I totally understand why they don't like it.

Rating:  D-

MPAA:  PG (for some action)

Run time:  105 min

Studio:  Disney

Solo: A Star Wars Story

So Solo: A Star Wars Story is the movie no one asked for but got anyway, but judging by some of the trailers, looked like it had some promise. The film tells the origin of Han Solo and how he met Lando Calrissian and Chewbacca. Alden Ehrenreich plays Han Solo, and Donald Glover plays Lando Calrissian. I'll give the movie where credit is due, Alden Ehrenreich and Donald Glover are great in their roles and try their best to save this movie because this movie is a massive pile of shit! I loved The Force Awakens, Rogue One and The Last Jedi (seriously, I don't give a fuck what people think of The Last Jedi), but this movie, holy fuck it is horrible! This movie has some of the worst pacing I have seen in a movie in a long time! This movie is ungodly boring, this movie is about 2 hours and 15 minutes, but it really feels like double that time! I am not joking when I say this, the first act especially DRAGS on forever and immediately after the first act is done the movie does a time jump! The pacing is not only too slow, but it is choppy as fuck as well! Some critics are calling it fun summer entertainment, HOW???? Deadpool 2 was fun summer entertainment, this isn't! There isn't a single memorable action scene in this trainwreck. The action is lifeless and dull, it brings nothing to the movie! Also, the humor in this movie is horrible and does not land at any point in this movie! This movie confuses references for humor. References alone is not comedy, references are comedy when you use them for a joke. I saw this in a theater in Winnipeg, and seeing this movie, maybe a handful of people chuckled during these references, not laughs, chuckles. How I can describe a lot of this movie is basically that one Captain America meme from the first Avengers movie that says I UNDERSTOOD THAT REFERENCE or some shit like that. The villain is forgettable and boring and you could easily take him out of the movie. Visually this movie is dull as shit, it doesn't come anywhere close to being as visually spectacular as The Force Awakens, Rogue One, and The Last Jedi. There were also moments where they were trying to be emotional but then they immediately cut to something else, trying to completely ignore a moment that would make us care about what is going on. I wanted to love this movie, as it is a Star Wars movie, I thought we were past making Star Wars movies of the quality of the prequel trilogy. But I guess I was wrong. Instead of seeing Solo: A Star Wars Story, go and see Deadpool 2 again, or watch The Force Awakens, Rogue One, and The Last Jedi, and the original Star Wars trilogy, 6 highly enjoyable Star Wars movies! Solo: A Star Wars Story was garbage!

Grade:  1/5
MPAA: PG-13 (for sequences of sci-fi action/violence)
Run time:  135 min
Studio:  Disney, LucasFilm Ltd.

Deadpool 2 - Movie Review

Deadpool 2 is the hugely anticipated sequel to the amazing first movie from 2016, and once again stars Ryan Reynolds as the titular character. In this film, Deadpool isn't seeking revenge, this time he must protect a kid from a mutant from the future named Cable, who was sent from the future to kill him. I know what you're saying, that is the plot of Terminator 2! Well, this movie is aware of it so you can let that go! So most of you probably know that I ADORED the first movie, it was my favorite movie of 2016, it was hilarious, violent, profane, raunchy, and it was a breath of fresh air! I was highly anticipating this movie, and HOLY FUCK this movie did not disappoint at all! This movie is even more violent, even more profane, and even more hilarious than the first one, they did tone down the raunchiness quite a bit though. This movie has rapid fire humor, there were very few moments where I wasn't laughing! This movie has sex jokes, fourth wall breaking jokes (it's Deadpool, of course there is!), and jokes about the DC Universe and the MCU! This movie has a lot of everything to offer. Ryan Reynolds once again NAILED it as Deadpool, Josh Brolin as Cable was perfect! It did take a while to get to Cable but when he does show up, he adds so much to the movie and it was fantastic! Let's talk about the action! The action in this movie is beyond amazing, not only is it filmed to perfection and complete with fantastic stunts and terrific special effects, the violence is gory as shit! This movie is almost as bloody and gratuitous as Logan was, and it was so satisfying! There is a lot of action in this movie, so if you thought there wasn't quite enough action in the first one, don't you worry, Deadpool 2 fixes that for you! The special effects, while not Avengers: Infinity War quality, are very good! The soundtrack is great too! There is one song in the final act that is used for a joke and it works so god damn well! It was hilarious and I am happy they used it for this specific scene! Also, STAY FOR THE POST CREDITS SCENE!!! It is quite possibly the greatest post credit scene I have seen in any superhero movie yet! If I do have any issue with the movie whatsoever, it is that it doesn't feel as fresh or special as the first one felt. It really doesn't have any of the emotional depth the first movie had either, but for what this movie was going for, it really didn't require that, so I was able to let that slide. So in the end, Deadpool 2 is a fantastic sequel! It was action packed, hilarious and endlessly fun! I can't wait for Deadpool 3!

Grade:  5/5
MPAA:  R (for strong violence and language throughout, sexual references and brief drug material)
Run time:  119 min 
Studio:  Twentieth Century Fox, Marvel Entertainment

The Emoji Movie - movie review (originally written on July 29th, 2017)

Funny, this poster really reminds me of the Blu-ray case for Sausage Party.

We have come a long way in the history of cinema where we have received films such as Jaws, Jurassic Park, Terminator 2 and many more!  Now it's 2017, and we now have a movie about emojis!  People actually thought this would be a good idea.  But because a movie called "The Lego Movie" came out 3 years ago, and it was a great film, I was willing to give this movie a chance.  Oh how a horrible mistake that was!  This movie was fucking terrible!!!!!

Both of these screenshots explain themselves.  That is fucking sad.  Both Fifty Shades movies were better received.
(screenshots were taken when the film was initially released)

This movie is one of the worst movies of the year, if not the absolute worst!  This movie features one of the worst and forgettable stories out of any movie of 2017.  This movie has no good characters!  All the wonderfully talented actors who are voicing these characters are completely wasted!  Patrick Stewart voices the shit emoji.  THE SHIT EMOJI!!!!!!  T.J. Miller voices the main character, and he was in fucking Deadpool for crying out loud!!!  Anna Faris (who was Sam Sparks in the Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs movies) is the main character's love interest!  By the way, she was actually the worst thing about this movie!  Her character was fucking terrible, she is that kind of feminist character that people hate!  JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!!!!!  A large portion of this movie is the 3 main characters going through lots of apps, and people, this movie has really shitty transition between those scenes!  This movie has the worst editing I have ever seen since Fantastic Four in 2015.  This movie is also so fucking BORING!!!!  This movie was never funny, and this movie feels so much longer than 86 minutes!   This movie was so bad that even 98% of the kids in the theater I was at didn't like it!  The theater was DEAD SILENT!!!  I took 2 of my cousins to see this movie, one of them actually liked it but she was only 3 at the time so I will cut her some slack.  I honestly think Sony should be ashamed, just like they should be ashamed for Ghostbusters (2016)!  To keep this review short, The Emoji Movie is a fucking train wreck!  No kid should see this, kids have much better movies to watch!  This is a movie with absolutely no redeeming qualities.

Grade:  F
MPAA: PG (for rude humor)
Run time:  86 min
Studio:  Columbia Pictures, Sony Pictures Animation