Saw - Movie Review

So because of the "coronavirus" pandemic bullshit, there's no new releases coming out, which is a bummer considering there were a bunch of movies coming out that I wanted to talk about.  So in the meantime, I want to take the next month or so to talk about movies I always wanted to talk about and review 2020 movies that I saw but never reviewed yet.  Since Spiral: From the Book of Saw is coming out in May, and is one of if not my most anticipated film of the year, I want to review every Saw film leading up to it.  So let's review the film that started it all.  Saw came out in 2004, directed by James Wan (who is known for The Conjuring 1 and 2, Insidious 1 & 2, Furious 7 and Aquaman) and is about 2 strangers who find themselves trapped in a filthy bathroom, discovering they are forced to partake in a deadly game perpetrated by a serial killer known as "The Jigsaw Killer".  Saw in my opinion is a modern classic, it is a wonderful psychological horror film that is extremely well directed and filled to the brim with atmosphere and the sense of dread.  This movie's dirty, grimy look adds to the tone of the film wonderfully.  As a directorial debut, this was a solid home run for James Wan.  The story is constantly engaging, I was never bored watching this film.  This film is also one of the best examples that I can give for using flashbacks for telling the story, it feels very organic and it also feels very integral to tell this film's story.  If you ever want to get into this franchise but can't handle extreme gore, this is the one to watch, it's nowhere near as graphic as its reputation.  Yes this film gets very bloody at times, but it doesn't get to the gratuitous levels of its sequels (especially Saw VI and Saw 3D) at all.  For example, the most iconic scene of the film where Cary Elwes cuts off his foot to free himself, you hardly see anything, it's mostly offscreen.  As much as I love this film and I consider it a classic and one of my all time favorite horror films, there are a couple of issues.  One of them is the acting.  A lot of the acting is terrible.  Especially from Cary Elwes and Leigh Whannell.  The last issue is a minor one, but I wish Danny Glover's character had a bit more development.  That's about it.  As a low budget indie flick that spawned one of my favorite horror franchises, Saw is amazing.  This film has a very special place in my heart as a horror junkie, it's perfectly paced, the story is fantastic, and it delivers atmosphere and tension in spades!  If you love horror, Saw is essential viewing.

Grade:  A

Run time:  103 min

MPAA:  R (for strong grisly violence and language)

Studio:  Lionsgate, Twisted Pictures

The Best Films of 2019

2019 has come to a close a few weeks ago and now I must do my best and worst lists.  2019 was a fantastic year for movies, it did pretty poorly but overall it was great!  Now before I get to my list I do have a few honorable mentions.

Honorable mentions:  Toy Story 4, Rambo: Last Blood, How To Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World, Shazam!, Happy Death Day 2U, Us, Pokemon: Detective Pikachu, Child's Play, It Chapter Two, Doctor Sleep, Spider-Man: Far From Home and Midsommar

Now that we got the honorable mentions out of the way, we shall now get to my list!

10.  John Wick: Chapter 3 - Parabellum

John Wick: Chapter 3 was a non-stop action thrill ride!  It was brutal, violent, fast paced, and awesome!  Keanu Reeves has once again proven he is one of the best action stars working today, seriously, his stunt work is off the charts.  It's my favorite in the trilogy and hopefully Chapter 4 can live up to this.

9.  Alita: Battle Angel

This was a film I was massively worried about because of the constant changes in release dates.  However, when I saw the film, I was absolutely blown away.  Alita: Battle Angel was visually exhilerating, the action was fantastic, and I loved the characters.  I never thought Robert Rodriguez could pull off a big budget sci-fi action flick like this, but he did, and he deserves all the credit possible!

8.  Uncut Gems

Adam Sandler has done something that's nothing short of remarkable here!  This movie was incredible to say the least.  This movie is a 135 minute anxiety attack!  This movie never lets you have time to breathe, in the best way possible.  This movie was just filled to the brim with beautiful tension.  Adam Sandler also gives the absolute best performance of his entire career here.  Too bad he was snubbed at the Oscars.

7.  Rocketman

Rocketman was just delightful!  It had energy, it was full of passion, the music was wonderful, Taron Egerton's performance as Elton John was phenomenal!  That was another snub at the Oscars!  Fuck you academy!

6.  Crawl

To those who never watched this movie because they thought it looked bad, GIVE THIS FILM A CHANCE!  Crawl was fantastic!  This film was everything I wanted in a monster movie, gory, suspenseful and fun!  I couldn't get enough of this film!

5.  The Lighthouse

The Lighthouse was something special.  I thought it would end up being a pretentious artsy borefest, but instead it was a very engaging, very entertaining thriller with atmosphere and fantastic performances.  How the movie looks is brilliant, the aspect ratio made the movie feel extremely old fashioned and the black and white added to the atmosphere.

4.  Joker

Joker was not only a wonderful film with a haunting, beautifully told story, it was also a wonderful love letter to classic Martin Scorsese films Taxi Driver and The King of Comedy.  This movie was everything I could ever want from a Joker movie, and a nice change of pace from other comic book movies.  Also Joaquin Phoenix was phenomenal here, can't forget that.

3.  Ford v Ferrari 

This was one of the most fun films of the entire year!  The race sequences were amazing, the acting was great, and this was also one of the best paced films of the year too!  This 152 minute film felt like 80 minutes!  Check it out if you haven't.

2.  Avengers: Endgame 

I honestly am speechless how great of an ending this was.  This film was everything, exciting, entertaining, fun, hilarious, emotional, everything that makes a movie great!  The last hour of this film was nothing short of perfect.  As a fan of the MCU, this was exactly what I wanted and more.

1.  Once Upon a Time...in Hollywood 

Quentin Tarantino once again has proven why he is one of the greatest working filmmakers today.  This movie was perfection.  The dialogue, the comedy, the acting, all of that was amazing!  It's a wonderful loveletter to the 1960s and that era of Hollywood.  The final act of this movie was one of the best things I have seen all year!  All of that is why this is my favorite film of 2019!  I am very happy as well that Brad Pitt got nominated for best supporting actor, let's see if he wins! 

So there you go, my best of 2019 list.  Hope you enjoyed reading it. 

Black Christmas (2019) - Movie Review/Rant

Black Christmas is the latest horror film from Blumhouse.  Blumhouse over the years have become the biggest studio name in horror and over the past couple years they have been very good.  Of course there have been a few missteps along the way like Ma and Truth or Dare, but other films like Halloween (2018) and Happy Death Day have been okay and others like Get Out, Us, Split, Happy Death Day 2U have been pretty damn great!  Going into this I was a bit nervous, it's a PG-13 slasher film for one, you could say Happy Death Day is a PG-13 slasher film, which it is, but those movies focus more on comedy and creativity in their stories rather than the kills.  Another thing that made me nervous were the terrible trailers.  This movie was horrendous.  I could not find a single redeeming quality in this entire film.  This isn't really even a horror film.  This is an SJW feminazi, #metoo movement propaganda film, with elements of a slasher movie in it.  This movie shoves its political messages so far down your throat, fucking just beats you over the head with it, this movie has no idea what subtlety is.  I have never seen a movie this unnecessarily politically charged.  I skipped a movie that came out earlier this year called Hustlers. Why did I skip that movie?  The very same reason why I should have skipped this one.  It was a film that seemed more interested in gaining social justice brownie points rather than entertaining its audience and actually telling a worthwhile story.  Slasher films are not particularly known for strong stories but I know they can be entertaining, that's why I love franchises like Friday the 13th and A Nightmare on Elm Street.  Black Christmas is not interested in either being entertaining or telling a good story.  The kills in the film are so badly executed and so quick that you have a "you blink and you miss" situation.  Because of its PG-13 rating, there can't be any gore or brutality.  The acting is not good at all.  I didn't like any of the characters.  The only people I can see liking this film are hardcore feminists who think men are the lowest form of life on Earth.  As you can tell, I HATED this film.  You're no longer the worst piece of shit of 2019 Charlie's Angels, Black Christmas took that place!  Don't go and see this, fucking skip it and make it fail as badly as Charlie's Angels did, this movie belongs in hell.

Grade:  F

Run time:  92 min

MPAA:  PG-13 (for violence, terror, thematic content involving sexual assault, language, sexual material and drinking)

Studio:  Universal Pictures 

Bad Santa - Movie Review (Contains Spoilers)

I was really thinking about what movie I should start with for a bunch of Christmas movie reviews I want to do, I was thinking about Better Watch Out, but that would be an extremely vague review as that is a movie I want people who haven't seen it to go into that knowing as little as possible, I was thinking of Die Hard, but I want to save my all time favorite Christmas movie for Christmas Day, and Home Alone would be too predictable, so I decided to start with one of my favorite comedies, Bad Santa.  Bad Santa is a hilarious, endlessly quotable comedy that seriously never gets old.  It features a wonderfully cold, douchy, and funny performance by Billy Bob Thornton, who plays the main character, Willie, an alcoholic, sex addicted loser who robs shopping malls every year on the night of Christmas Eve, with the help of his black midget sidekick, Marcus (played by Tony Cox).  Later into the movie, Willie befriends an 8 year old boy named Thurman Merman (fucking hilarious name, I wonder if he ever got bullied because of the name), who has got to be the most idiotic kids ever, but steals a lot of the scenes in the film.  He willingly lets Willie steal money from his father's safe (you find out his father is in prison), like wow!  Willie's reactions to Thurman's shit is gold, a lot of the film's best comedy comes from the banter between Willie and Thurman.  Everyone is great in the film, from Bernie Mac who plays the guy on Willie and Marcus' case, John Ritter as their pussy ass boss, there is so much good talent here!  This film isn't for everyone though, if you hate movies with tons of swearing, movies that make light of otherwise depressing situations, don't watch it, it will piss you off.  I am going to end it here, make it short and sweet like usual, Bad Santa is a wonderful comedy, I watch it every year.  This movie is timeless to me, after years of enjoying it, it's still a hilarious movie.

Grade:  A+

Run time:  98 min

MPAA:  R (for pervasive language, strong sexual content, and some violence)

Studio:  Dimension Films, The Weinstein Company 

Casino Royale - Movie Review

Because No Time to Die is coming out in April, it makes sense to review every Daniel Craig James Bond film leading up to that film.  Casino Royale came out in 2006, directed by Martin Campbell and is the first film to star Daniel Craig as James Bond.  The movie tells the story of Bond's first mission as 007, where he must defeat a private banker who is funding terrorists in a high stakes Poker game.  I am going to get right into this one, this is my favorite James Bond film of all time.  Not a single James Bond film before or after is as intense, riveting, or haunting as Casino Royale is, Skyfall comes extremely close but I will review that another time.  This movie has a terrific story, perfect pace, and absolutely exhilerating action sequences.  At 144 minutes, this movie never feels long.  The action is brutal, exciting, I never wanted the action scenes to end, despite how great the story is.  There's even tons of tension in the poker scenes.  This film is also surprisingly violent for a PG-13.  There's occasionally blood when people die, there is very brutal hand to hand combat, there is also a torture scene where Bond is naked, strapped to a chair and repeatedly hit in the balls.  I think this is one of the most violent PG-13 movies ever made.  This is also one of the very few Bond films that really makes James Bond feel like a human being and not a superhero with tons of silly gadgets.  He feels like a genuine character.  He is vulnerable, he gets his ass handed to him, he is not invincible here.  This film also has the best Bond villian ever.  While he does villainous things, he's just a normal guy in a tough situation as he owes terrorists large sums of money.  In the end, Casino Royale is an incredible Bond film, an exhilerating action movie.  This film is perfect.

Grade:  A+

MPAA:  PG-13 (for intense sequences of violent action, a scene of torture, sexual content and nudity)

Run time:  144 min

Studio:  MGM, Columbia Pictures 

Frozen 2 - Movie Review

Ah shit, here we go again.  Frozen 2 is the sequel to Frozen, which came out 6 years ago.  It tells the story of all the main characters from the first movie going to an enchanted autumn bound forest to find the origin of Elsa's powers to save their kingdom.  There has been so much surrounding this movie, because of how beloved the first movie was.  I wasn't that hyped for this due to the fact that I only found the first one to be okay and Disney has not been impressing me this year.  For movies, Disney only had 2 good ones this year in my opinion, Avengers: Endgame and Toy Story 4.  Frozen 2 is unfortunately another dud by Disney in 2019.  I did not enjoy this movie, and that is mainly due to the plot.  This movie has a very uninteresting, boring plot, and this movie is ungodly boring.  The story was never engaging, some characters are either useless or boring or annoying.  I almost fell asleep a few times throughout this movie.  Let's get into some characters shall we?  Elsa as a character is even worse here than she was in the first one, Elsa in the first one was just very underdeveloped, Elsa in this film has to be with Anna in order for her to be remotely interesting. Like the great Jeremy Jahns says, Elsa is basically a boring goth girl. Anna is by far the best character in the movie, she is just so full of life and is actually a fun character.  Kristof is fucking useless, he has a bunch of cringe worthy scenes involving wanting to propose to Anna, but of course something happens to make him not just fucking do it.  He has also the worst, most forgettable song in the movie, and then after his song is over, he fucks off and stays gone until the final act comes along where they finally make him useful just because it's convenient to the script.  And finally, fucking Olaf.  I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS ONE!  I FUCKING HATED HIM IN THIS MOVIE!  Olaf was fine in the first film, he did his part in the first one perfectly fine.  In this fucking thing, I wanted to take a fucking blowtorch and fucking just use it on him until he turns into a fucking puddle.  SPOILER ALERT:  Olaf does melt at one point in the movie but instead of making normal movie critics like me happy, they decide to pander to little brat kids and bring him back.  Fucking entitled little shits.  Lastly, this film felt super anticlimactic.  It feels like it just ends out of nowhere. Now after all the bitching about this movie sucking ass, was there anything I liked?  A few things.  The animation here is fucking great!  Of course I liked Anna, she's the best character as I mentioned before.  There are a few neat action scenes.  The 3D was well utilized.  The movie is not badly made.  I did somewhat like a couple songs.  That's about it.  In the end, you should just stick with the first film, the first film is 100x the film this one is.  This movie is just boring, lifeless, passionless.  Although it's a far better female led movie than Charlie's Angels. 

Grade:  D+

MPAA:  PG (for action/peril, and some thematic elements)

Run time:  103 min

Studio:  Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures 

Bad Boys - Movie Review

Bad Boys is an action comedy film released in 1995, directed by Michael Bay, and stars Will Smith and Martin Lawrence as two cops who protect a witness to a murder while investigating a case of stolen heroin from their evidence storage room.  Because Bad Boys For Life is coming out in January 2020, I am going to review the original 2 Bad Boys movies, my review for Bad Boys II likely be up during the first week of December.  Bad Boys is a very fun movie.  It's basically a cop comedy with occasional bursts of action throughout.  Will Smith and Martin Lawrence has wonderful comedic chemistry, both of them bring plenty of laughs.  The acting is very good.  The action sequences are very fun to watch, very explosion heavy considering this is a Michael Bay movie.  One thing that really surprises me about Bad Boys is that while a Michael Bay movie, it doesn't entirely have an oversaturated color palette like most of his other movies like Transformers and Pain & Gain. Bad Boys is also extremely fast paced, there is hardly a dull moment in it, it's pretty much never boring.  As for issues I would say there could have been a better balance between the comedy and the action.  There could've been a bit more action in the film in my opinion, but that's about.  Bad Boys is a terrific 90s action comedy that's very entertaining, and features Will Smith and Martin Lawrence at their best.

Grade:  A

Run time:  119 min

MPAA:  R (for intense violent action and pervasive strong language)

Studio:  Columbia Pictures